Maybe we weren’t created to be relentlessly productive

Image by John Hain from Pixabay

It’s the middle of May, so it’s clearly the perfect time to talk about New Year’s resolutions.

Obviously, they are not a thing I can do. I have ADHD. I’m unable to hold a resolution in my head for one entire morning, never mind 365 of them. But this year, I’m running an experiment.

Right around the start of the new year, I had a thought: What if, whatever I’m doing at any given time, is the right thing? …

A tragicomedy in 700 disparate acts.

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

I’ve been pondering the idea of getting off my ADHD meds. Here is the true story that explains why I probably can’t.

This morning while my coffee was brewing, I did my usual routine of getting ready for the weekday breakfast rush. I got out my vitamins and the kids’ vitamins, my Flonase, and my son’s inhaler. I also take Focalin for my ADHD, so I got that out, too. And today there was also a prescription muscle relaxer because too much desk-sitting has caused a very painful neck thing. Well, is it fair to blame desk sitting? I’m kind…

Nutella will always be delicious.

Image by Jackie Ramirez from Pixabay

I will still love my mom and she will still love me.

Black lives will always matter.

I will secretly smell the tops of my kids’ heads when I hug them.

The pandemic is still happening.

I will continue to be amused when my husband loses his keys at least once a week.

You can’t have normal holiday celebrations this year. Sorry.

I will never buy that extended vehicle warranty that people keep calling about.

Making fun of disabled people will always be douchey.

My mom will continue to mis-pronounce “peripheral” as “periphial.”

The Electoral College can go f*ck itself.

Voting is a game of strategy — and opting out doesn’t mean you’re not playing.

Image by DWilliams from Pixabay.

It’s the worst to be heading into an election and feeling like both candidates can just go suck it. What do you do then? Throw away your sacred vote on someone you don’t like? Stay home and opt out so you don’t have to hitch your wagon to either of these two jokers? No good choices here, right?

If that’s how you’re thinking, indulge me for a moment. Let’s reframe this voting thing into what it really is: a game.

There’s a card game I like to play called Skip-Bo. Winning Skip-Bo should be easy, but the game is designed…

Vote for Trish Sammer’s headlines by clicking ‘like’ on Humor Darling’s Instagram and Twitter posts!

Steal Kate Middleton’s Secret Trick for Lush Locks: Royal Semen

Kate’s coif is definitely crown-worthy, but good genes don’t deserve all the credit. There’s new evidence that regular infusions of ejaculate from a presumed sovereign can actually promote hair-shaft health while also increasing volume and shine.

Tech Guru Really Does Live and Work at the Intersection of Innovation, Misogyny, and Productivity

Sarah Jones, the copywriter who penned CEO’s sponsored Twitter post, reveals the real story behind the tweet. “I thought I was just writing some crappy, pointless marketing copy like usual. But this time it was totally genuine. …

Learning to write for ME again is pretty terrifying, but I’m figuring it out

Statue of angel sitting on a bench in a cemetery
Statue of angel sitting on a bench in a cemetery
Photo by Veit Hammer on Unsplash

Pretty good headline, right? Yeah, that’s what I do.

I write fantastic headlines. I increase page views. I get search engines to pay attention. And yes, I get paid pretty well for most of it, at least compared to the many other writers I know who are struggling to eke out a living.

I’m a “success” story. Or something.

But let’s be real: This is not what I set out to do. Like a lot of people, I desperately wanted to be a writer. A writer-writer…

Someone who is not me, saying “Hey balloons! Check me out, motherf*ckers!”

So here’s the thing about me: I don’t care if you don’t like me.

It’s not that I don’t want you to like to me. I actually want to be liked. I want you to think I’m friendly and helpful and funny and occasionally smart and mostly honest and authentically real as much as I can possibly be.

But if you don’t think any of those things? Oh well.

Clouds during a rainstorm
Clouds during a rainstorm

I started this blog post yesterday during a totally kickass rain storm. Here are some deep thoughts and not-so-deep thoughts for you.

Just like if we were meeting in person and I was yammering away at you over a cup of coffee, your mileage may vary. Bonus: Unlike an in-person meetup, you can just skim over the parts where I bore the crap out of you. Blogs are so magical!

My new shiny object: transforming our porch

The sky is raining its butt off here. This makes me happy for two reasons:

The first is that I get to take in the awesomeness of the storm from…

I posted on Facebook this last Friday morning, when I was feeling the weight of allll the things. Thought I’d share here.

Hi everyone. What a week. We’ve been pummeled with awful news every day and the hits just keep coming.

I am frayed to my core. I know a lot of you are, too.

I just want to take a moment to say I love you all. I’m proud of so many friends and strangers for speaking out this week, maybe for the first time. I’m proud of the people who are going “Shit! How did I not know…

Trish Sammer

Professional writer with words in Woman’s Day, Redbook, Huffington Post, Slackjaw, and Scarymommy.

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